I'm Sorry
Posted in Daily Focus on Thursday, October 31, 2013
"Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance" (2 Corinthians 7:9a).
I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom with my makeup case in my hands. There seemed to be a sense of irony in the fact that I was putting on a pretty face for the rest of the world to see, but inside I was an angry and ugly homeschooling mother. The morning had gone from bad to worse with my husband's car that wouldn't start, a broken washing machine, and my mother's "helpful" advice. I should have talked to the Lord when I felt the tremors coming, but instead, my pent up emotions erupted onto my ten-year-old son like a violent volcano when he failed to complete his math assignment. I had quickly said, "I'm sorry" for my outburst, but my son's expression told me I had hurt his loving heart.
As I looked into the mirror, God showed me the truth of what was happening. Between feeling like a failure because we lacked the finances to maintain our appliances and the rejection by my family for homeschooling, I was angry at Him. I had looked for the encouragement and approval I needed in the wrong place and was disappointed when I didn't find it. Taking my frustration out on my son's failure had simply transferred the same feeling to him.
As I opened my makeup case, I prayed the rest of the day would go better. To my surprise, I saw little pieces of paper folded on top of the different colors of eye shadow. Opening each piece of paper, I found the words, "I love you, Mom!" written by my son. Humbled, I knew I should have been the one seeking to restore our relationship. I started to cry and realized I would never get my makeup on that morning. I walked into my son's room and started over again. This time I truly said, "I'm sorry."
Lord, too many times I've said "I'm sorry" without really meaning it. Help me to realize what others are feeling when I have hurt them. Place a repentant heart of compassion in me to restore those broken relationships. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Comments(23 comments)
LYNDA B 10/31/2008 04:13:52
Yes,In Jesus name.
MARGO S 10/31/2008 05:31:45
Thank you to whoever writes these! Thank you for being so honest in these devotionals. They are such a blessing to me.
AMANDA H 10/31/2009 02:28:38
I recently (last week) spent some time working with my son to find a repentant heart. After working with him, I had to be honest that I needed to clean up my own mess. I went to the Lord. I ended up having to go to a friend also and say I am sorry. I don't even know what I was sorry for except that I was holding a grudge. No matter if it were justified or not, the weight of that grudge was bigger than anything I could carry. I had to unload it at the cross. Funny, I am not angry any more. Where does anger go when we reach repentence. Seriously....That is another story.
Thank you for your notes of encouragement. I encourage others on my blog luvinhome.blogspot.com. I need encouragement as well and you are such a bright note in my day. May God bless you for passing on hope.
Amanda
10/31/2009 10:07:36
Thanks so much for this devotional...it hit me in maybe a different way than intended...funny how God does that. I'm not struggling so much with anger at this moment...although there has certainly been those moments...
I was struck more by the "I had looked for the encouragement and approval I needed in the wrong place and was disappointed when I didn't find it" line.
You see, I have just finished an elaborate plan for Thanksgiving for my husband's large family. I have done wedding planning and organized several large events for friends and our Scout group we minister to, but nothing my husband's family has ever really witnessed.... we only see them 1-2 times a year. I was so excited when they asked me to do this...I thought...now I can really show them what I can do! (wrong attitude #1 - saying what "I" can do) After e-mailing the plan to everyone...I am suddenly consumed with checking e-mail for responses to see if anyone is giving me a "cyber pat-on-the-back" Why am I consumed with their encouragement and approval or even disapproval - reinforcing the negative feelings Satan has let me believe they already have about me? God has given me these talents and if I glorify Him more only using them for friends than for family...then that's His intentions and I need to be content with that. His approval is what should matter!
MISTY O 10/31/2009 15:02:26
That was a tear jerker! So, wonderful, honest, and a great reminder. Thank you!
OLIVIA S 11/02/2010 05:42:15
Aww that was so sweet! next time buy waterproof make-up.. haha
I love these devotions, they help me to never give up!
JACQUELINE G 10/31/2011 04:31:51
Wow! This devotion was like someone looking through our window on any given day during school time... Thanks for the gentle reminder to not just give lip service and say, "I'm sorry" coz I got caught, but to truly repent & ask for forgiveness!
Thanks again,
Jacqueline
ZELENA O 10/31/2011 05:35:50
When things like this happen in our home, it feels like I am the only one who has ever gone through it. Thank you for sharing your stories that encourage me that I am not alone, and that I always have Jesus to turn to. This is our first year of homeschool (kindergarten) and I have faced many challenges from a lack of finances to absolutely no encouragement from family and friends. Your devotionals encourage me to keep pressing on with what the Lord has put on my heart in terms of homeschool and what is best for our children regardless of what the world says...
CHRISTINE M 10/31/2011 06:02:47
It is a good reminder that we can take everything to God--we need to, or it will come out eventually and hurt those we love. Thanks for being "real"
MARY S 10/31/2011 07:49:12
WOW! That hit at the very core of my heart today!
LAURA C 10/31/2011 08:43:13
What a truthful devotion today! Thank you for sharing.
NIKKI A 10/31/2011 09:00:52
I appreciate your authenticity. Thanks for sharing.
MANDY C 10/31/2011 09:13:58
I just cried as I read this because I have been there more times than I wish to admit. We should realize that our worth is only found in Christ and that His opinion is the only one that matters. It is so easy to take our frustrations out on our kids or husbands when what we should do is go to God first.
Thank you for this devotion!
ELIZABET D 10/31/2011 19:18:02
Cried!!! My story VERY similar! Definately relating! Thanks for sharing! :)
ELAINE W 11/01/2011 09:50:48
I truly thank God, for the obedience of those responsible for these articles of love. Jesus is the "Truth," and all of us need to live in that truth that will set us free. We worry too much about presenting a "picture-perfect lie," rather than the truth. Thank you, truthfully. Smiles
MELISSA D 11/04/2011 23:58:29
love that story i know, me too.
MELISSA D 11/05/2011 00:05:16
watching tv or tbn one night, everyone was talking about being so blessed. I unkowingly stated in front of my child i wish i was that blessed, to my suprise i had a listener. who said, we are blessed mom, i said how? He said because God loves us!!!!!!! I cried on this one as ussual.
KATHY S 10/31/2012 05:23:26
My son with Aspergers is very sensitive. I have to be extremly careful of what I say and how I say it all times.
I have made the mistake of when having a bad day saying things like "I wish I had never gotten up today".
Statements like these immediatley cause a very sad reaction from my son. He will say "but I'm here, why do you wish that".
I have to correct myself and say "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have wanted to get up today".
Which in most part is true. I have awful days with health, problems, etc. just like everyone else here does.
But, my son is my joy and he really is the reason I keep going. I believe God gave me him so that I would know happiness and have a strong will to keep going.
SARA C 10/31/2012 09:18:45
As a rule in our house \"I\'m sorry\" was not the words we would use when we offended or hurt each other. It was \"Will you forgive me?\" I\'m sorry is just about the offender and does not allow the victim and offender to have restoration and healing in the relationship. As a parent, it allows my children to understand that adults make mistakes and are not perfect. We are still all growing in the Lord and it is He who showed us forgiveness while on the cross saying \"Father forgive them\".
RENEE WILLIAMS 10/31/2013 12:40:27
Oh bless you, this is exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thank you for sharing.
Julie Kasprzak 11/01/2013 03:16:31
Thank you, author, for blessing us with your testimony. There are a lot of us out here who are encouraged by your story. It is a comfort to know there is a Christian friend out there in the world I can relate to, and in so many ways I share your story.
Michele Grahl 11/01/2013 23:50:41
Wow! This hit home on so many levels. (And btw, Kathy S., I have an "Aspie" daughter who will be 18 in January...I hear your trials!) The first level was putting on a happy face for the world. Each time I go to work, I tell my husband that I'm putting on my "war paint"...b/c I feel like this is my shield. But I should be looking for God to be my shield. Another level was all the things that seem to go wrong at one time. I, too, get angry and don't turn to the Lord at times. I've been angry at Him for different reasons, but my anger exists all the same...and I will bring it to Him in prayer and ask for His forgiveness. Third level: searching for acceptance and placing our self-worth in hands other than God's. I'm reading The Search for Significance. I'm also doing the workbook along with the book...if done correctly, it is a fatiguing soul-searching workbook.
I find that I constantly look for acceptance and my own significance in the reaction of others. Intellectually, I realize where I need to go for this...but it's so difficult for me. I hold on to my anger for myself as if it was a comforting friend...and use this anger to reject the Lord's forgiveness.
Thank you for sharing your story...you've inspired me to own what's mine to repent. AND to then accept forgiveness. I will look only to the Lord for my significance.
Blessings to you!
Debe Kaiser 10/31/2014 18:27:31
I am a 62 year old grandmother who homeschools here 4 grandkids, grades 2, 3, and the twins are 3 1/2. I lost it this morning when the 2nd grader could not remember how to count by 2's. I felt so bad that I had to get up and leave the room. I hate it when I lose it. I say things that I don't mean. Dear God please help me not to lose it. I apologized to the girls, but I still hate it when I lose control.