Pouting Pains
Posted in Daily Focus on Thursday, November 14, 2013
Rebellion has many faces, and the big pout on my daughter's face was definitely one of them. With three other children in our homeschool classroom, she didn't like being the one who had to wait for help with her questions. Watching her body language, I realized there was a much bigger problem waiting to be dealt with than the one in her math lesson.
My daughter's actions brought back memories of the beginnings of my own rebellious days. What had started as simple, little pouting episodes to get my own way had turned into all-out, get-in-your-face rebellion toward my parents as a teenager. Being the last of seven children, my parents were usually too busy to put out the flames of my sinful rebellion when they erupted. Because these seemingly small pouting sessions were left unchecked, they burned a hole in my character and my life. Many years of pain from getting my own way passed before my heart was humbled before a mighty God.
Have you bought into the world's lie that you deserve what you want, when you want it? Dear one, don't go down that path of destruction! Although there may be joy for the moment, pain and suffering will meet you at the end. "An evil man seeketh only rebellion: therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him" (Proverbs 17:11). Jesus loves you too much to let your pouting spoil things. Trust Him to meet every need you have, and you'll never get burned again by the world's empty promises. "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever" (1 John 2:16-17).
Jesus, I submit my life to You again this day. Forgive me when I try to take control and fail to trust You. Help me fight off the fiery darts of the devil that tempt me to rebel against Your will. In Your name, Amen.
Comments(12 comments)
LAVONNE S 11/14/2008 07:11:53
WOW! How true this is. There just seems to be something in all of us that desires to have our own way. but TRUE happiness is having (with the Lord's help) control over our own will. ... Not my will, but yours Lord!
Yes! it is very important to instill this into our little ones we teach. I personally agree the patience/will factor is one of the major learning lesson of life . If began early , and instilled as a way of living it will reap everlasting life!
Thank You once again for sharing a daily focus.
LaVonne
from Mo.
LISA U 11/15/2009 00:46:29
I need prayers and advice. This really spoke to me because our 13 yr old daughter is going through such a rebellion right now, doing things we would have never thought she would do. She was always so sweet and caring and really did not need much discipline. Now that she is misbehaving, when we try to enforce discipline, she only rebels more. She does not care that she is hurting her family by her actions and thinks that she is the victim. Help!
TEPA R 11/14/2010 01:18:32
@Lisa...I understand your pain. A common denominator that I found in my teenager was the same thing I battled when I was a teen. Trying to make my parents happy. Thus when I got in trouble for disobedience I became more frustrated because I couldn't understand why my parents overlooked all the good things that I had done compared to what I had been recently caught doing wrong. My perspective was leaning on my own understanding and resulted in more rebellion. Once I was able to hear my son say the same words that I suffered at his age: It's impossible to please you. Wow! I immediately let him know that it isn't his responsibility to make me or his father happy but to please God. Then the right things would follow. (However this takes purposeful practice in daily living). We are working on that and reading God's word to transform and renew our minds that will change our hearts and then produce better behavior.
The key to the heart that causes behavior is the mind. Focus on discipleship & indulging God's living word and pray for guidance every day. Above all as I told my son...love always perseveres. Perseveres means that it never gives up doing what is right no matter what. :)
I will be praying for you and your beloved daughter. Don't give up asking God for help! God Bless you!!
LISA K 11/14/2010 07:53:14
Lisa, I will pray for you, too! My heart goes out to you, however, God will be faithful. He loves your daughter and he will give you wisdom on how to manage this. May He fill you with His Love that will help you in dealing with this.
LIZ O 11/14/2011 10:05:38
My dear little 10 year old adopted daughter is on the verge of being hospitalized for her adverse deffiant behavior, which we cannot get under control at this time. She totally loses control when she does not get her way. This is a disorder that we have been treating since she was 2 years old. She is very remorseful after one of her tantrums has passed. I am praying that the hospital can get her meds straight so we can have a more peaceful home!!
Please pray for us as we go through this process!
KRISTA F 11/14/2011 22:47:29
This post was helpful to me on many levels.
First, my daughter also gets these "attitudes" that are very subtle, like not wanting to wait for help. Telling me, "Ok, Ok," when being given instructions. Sometimes I'm tired and let them go, but mostly I try to address those right away. She is 10. When I was 10 I had a friend who spoke to her mother in a disrespectful way that was also a little funny. I can remember being fascinated and humored by that. Because I thought it was so funny, I decided to try it with my mother. I suppose my mom at first also thought it was funny and didn't think much of it. It was out of character for me and she didn't think it would be an ongoing issue. Well, because she NEVER corrected me over it, it continued and escalated. That brought anger out in me, as I was seeking boundaries. Looking back I can see that I was angry because she didn't care enough to correct me. This started a volital (spelling) relationship that continued until my early 30's.
Knowing this I try not to let my daughter get away with these things. I don't want a smart mouth teenager. I try to stop these while they are still "little".
So, second, the Lord has really shown me lately that their were issues in my life I wasn't trusting Him for. I knew I wasn't but I didn't want things done His way, I wanted them done mine. That kind of rebellion is one of the worst. I have repented of that and am trying to step back more and trust Him to take care of things. I still fail a often at that, but I'm aware and trying.
I could relate to this post on all of those levels. It was such a great reminder.
TAMAR I 11/15/2011 11:13:03
I agree 100%. It is amazing how God allows us to see the mistakes we made as children through our own children, and loves us enough to show us again and allow us to ask for forgiveness for it.
I had very strict parents growing up, so open rebellion was definitely out of the question. My rebellion was in my mind. As an adult, I felt I needed a break from all that discipline and those rules and regulations, so I was loose in discipling my own children, but it things like these that helped me to see that I needed tdiscipline in order to have order and respect to function with 4 children. This is daily focus spoke to me as a child (my mental rebellion that was acted out in ways my parents didn't see), as an adult (it doesn't look good when you see other people children rebel or disrespect their parents either), and as a parent myself (I don't like receiving rebellion from my own children).
I thank you for sharing this as this helped me even put a scripture to the thoughts and actions of my children and my own.
LISA A 11/15/2011 12:20:17
Lisa U, my name is Lisa also, and I am going throug the same thing. She does not do anything I ask, including school work or it is with the roll the eyes, and OKAY! attitude, or I heard you mom, but still does what SHE wants, and I get so tired of it. We are always at each others throat it seems, and we are in Gods Word almost everyday. Tepa R. made sense when you teach the Word in the end it is to please YHWH not mom or dad and Tepa what you said is a great reminder to us all to praise even the little things they do snf noy dwell on all the bad or negative they do but we must still enforce consequences. And I have been finding myself always nitpicking what she isn't doing but it is hard WHEN SHE ISN'T DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED OF HER. Thanks for the reminder, we seem to get stuck in a rut sometimes and need a little push out.
CHARITY L 11/14/2012 10:34:02
Thank you, your messages always seem to touch me daily right where I am at.
Gill ODonnell 11/14/2013 12:27:30
This is challenging today.....we have to be self aware, be clear in how we speak but at the same time be able to say when things have gone too far.
I have adult sons and a 14 yr old.
Teenage years to me are like a second toddler hood!
Our children are just as uncertain as a toddler who moves away from in in a toddler group then come back in a panic!
Teenage years are for us to assist out children to become adults...I don't see it that we have to be forced to discipline them so much as to help them toddle off into the adult world. It can be a frightening experience for parents and children..it's a tough one...the older your kids get the harder the parenting gets!...take courage help them to toddle!
ALLYN KENNEDY 11/14/2013 18:36:06
Happiness is not the only acceptable emotion. The Bible is full of people expressing a wide variety of emotion. Pouting does not indicate that a child will begin to rebel. Every child does it at some point. It is our job as parents to help our children learn how to appropriately express their emotions. Telling them they are rebelling because they are upset about something is not helpful. Parents are not always 100% right, either. Teaching kids unquestionable obedience leads to children not having a voice of their own, and leads to them feeling like they can never say no to others, even in harmful situations that arise.
As for the behavior disorders discussed above, it is not that the child wants to rebel. There is a dysfunction in the wiring in their bodies. It is a legitimate health issue, and unfortunately many people do not understand it. There is a legitimate medical reason for the behavioral issues. It is not always easy to deal with, but those struggling with this need grace - parents and kids.
SUZANNE CARRIER 11/15/2013 19:03:46
So true that the teenage years are like second toddler-hood. I have 2 adult children. In the early years they were trained to obey. We enjoyed peace and joy in the home. When dd was 11 rebellious attitudes set in. Ds was 13. WE still have a son, 13, at home who is now entering his rebellion...I really think it's somewhat normal as kids start acting independently...we need to love them through it, be faithful in administering correction, and instruct them that every action has a consequence. And above all, PRAY for them. Children will make many mistakes. Let's guide them. And God will turn all things into good for those that love him.