The Dangers of Disrespect

JON L 01/03/2009 08:26:04

My oldest was seen as being disrespectful to us by friends. My friends spoke to me about this and I told them it was just in fun because we did it all the time. I watched her for a while and realized she was blowing off steam at being the oldest and over looked. So we had a talk about this and how her actions were being viewed by others and they were concerned. She was open to this and it does not happen in public but we still allow her to blow off steam as long as it does not hurt anyones feelings, we know where it is coming from and we don't let it get out of hand.

SUE H 01/03/2009 09:45:24

My daughters have basically been encouraged by their dad to disrespect their mom and their responsibilities. I plan on showing them this devotional and having a family "talk" about it. I could really use your prayers !!

AMANDA H 01/05/2010 11:42:23

To Sue H

I'm so sorry to hear this I'll be praying for you, your husband and your girls. I have three girls of my own and I have to say I've been guilty of encouraging my girls to be disrespectful of thier dad. I did it out of anger towards my husband and I had no respect for him at the time. That said we serve a God full of love who can transform a home with His grace. "And He said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in weakness... 2 Cor 12:9

LYNNE H 01/03/2011 06:47:34

thanks so much for the honesty of the comments above. So often I feel as though I am surrounded by families who don't seem to have any problems or issues, and I think to myself "are they for real?" so it is nice to hear about "real" people struggling with real issues

MANDI H 01/03/2011 06:50:03

I have 2 young daughters and teaching them respect is so important to me. Sometimes the distinction of where to draw the line is not clear to me. I desire to raise godly young women. I teach my girls yes ma'am and no ma'am, yes sir and no sir, please and thank you and things of the such....but showing respect is so much more than a vocal appearance. Like when or family jokes (my husband loves to joke) and my oldest daughter answers with a "haha daddy 'roll of the eyes' whatever" , to others that may seem disrespectful but to us it isn't. I try to teach them its not just what u, say ( although its that too sometimes) but it is the attitude with which u say it! they are so much like me in so many ways that I sometimes wonder if to teach them to be more respectful ...i will have to change how my attitude is displayed at times...i believe the answer is def. Yes

FRANCES B 01/03/2011 07:07:57

My second born five year old is a "little dickens" as my mother puts it. Sometimes he is defiant, usually when he is having an emotional issue like being left out or feeling rejected or of course, getting caught red handed. My husband is very good at talking about it with him and if he deserves a spank, he takes him privately and dishes it out. I know this is what my little Adam (the name couldn't be more appropriate) needs. I used to get so upset with them when they didn't respond immediately or obey right away and I was harsh with my oldest. After my lack of patience was involved in my oldest son breaking his leg, I decided I would be the pinnicle of patience. Well, that works well with my even tempered first born, but my little dickens who is also the cutest, warmest, most loving boy in the world, tries my patience daily. I hate the idea of spanking him, he is crushed when I send him to his room, If I correct him to his face with a stern voice, I watch his little heart fall. And then, he gets so mad. He tries to control his anger, but he wants to throw and hit. He goes to his room and crying, talks a lot of sassy and even scary stuff. "I want to be dead, I want mommy to be dead, I want to be in a different family, I want to live on another planet, I want to be in heaven." We let him do it because we figure he is having private time. He's in his room and oveying his punishment and needs to blow off that steam. I'm not sure if that is right. We always go in to him after he has settled down, tlk about his mistake, make up and love on him. He likes that the best. I could go on. I too could use prayers. I think he will be ok because he is home with us and doesn't have many outside influences to give him ideas. I believe he will work this out with our help.

MARITZA S 01/03/2011 07:08:56

My seven year old has ADHD and is now exhibiting lots of behavior problems. I didn't know about the severity of his condition until I started homeschooling. I decided to homeschool because his first report card in 1st grade were all "F"s and no one seemed to be able to help him at the public school setting. Although he had an IEP, his program did not seem to benefit him. My son repeated Kindergarten and he still does not remember the order of the alphabet.

Now...the problem is his constant TANTRUMS and disrespectful behavior towards me and his dad. He raises his hand and yells it is my fault. It is scary to go out in public with him because I fear people would think I am not disciplining him correctly but it is honestly not the case.

I pray with him and tell him the importance of respect. But he does not seem able to understand.

I pray God and thank him for this challenge and ask him to give me the strenght to help my son. But God knows it has not been an easy task for me.

What about if my son does not get better? What about his condition worsens? How can I strenghten my faith?

CARMEN D 01/03/2011 08:01:03

Dear friend, Maritza,

My heart goes out to you with the challenges that you are facing. We have several families in our church that have the children with ADHD. We have a fantastic children's program with a director who has "been around the block" with ADHD. Finding supporting christian organizations and getting solid advise and not excuses is key for some of them. We do not have ADHD in our family but can sympathize with you. One thing I have noticed that I have just keep to myself is it appears that there may not be a strong encouragement for respect of people outside the ADHD family. I also noticed that the "diagnosis" then explains away extreme behavior. Spankings were stopped in some cases because of the "diagnosis". I believe these children are a gift from God and need love and patience. I also have heard of a family that put their two autistic boys on high antioxidant pureed fruit juices and saw differences. God bless you in your challenge and keep the faith that this is temporary! God has a specific purpose for your precious child and will use your child to help others in the future!

SUSAN M 01/03/2011 08:04:49

I just had a discussion about this subject with my husband last night. I have eight children and right now have two "middle" ones who seem to think it's ok to disrespect me. My husband observed that I tend to try to "let them speak thier mind" and then "reason" with them. He reminded me that the Bible does not say we should do this...it says for parents to correct the children and to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Adults are mature but children are immature and although they can have a legitimate point in a discussion they do not have a legitimate right to express it in a disrespect way...even behind closed doors. Ultimately the child needs to be pointed back to the fact that they must respect God enough to obey Him by respecting and honoring their parents. God is not to be mocked. We all sit around trying to "figure things out" ...we don't have to do that. We have God's Word. It is sure and it is relevant. The law of the Lord IS perfect ...converting the soul. Go to God's Word today and ask the Holy Spirit to direct you to truth that will aid in converting the soul of your child. Appeal to the conscience of the child based on God's Word. "Are you going to obey God?" This gives the sense that they have a responsibility to respond to God and it is their choice. However, none of us get to choose the consequences of disobedience and they will learn that as well. One thing is sure... God loves your child and my child and has given them the parent that they need. When you are in doubt run to God's Word and know that He is for you and for your child.

Jody F 01/03/2011 08:18:40

I was so blessed to read this devotion; as others have said, sometimes I feel that I have made a huge mistake in my parenting as disrespect even as I homeschool them sometimes seems to be the theme of the day. Often times I don't know how to handle it and get angry and start preaching at them, which I know often falls on deaf ears. It's so scary to think that these kids are getting our best and often showing us their worst. Sometimes I do not have an answer as to how to get respect except to be more respectful in how I treat them. I know I do to much for them sometimes instead of letting them do it for themselves. I need to pray more often and rely much more on the Holy Spirit for guidance than I do.

RENEE W 01/03/2011 08:21:47

I feel this is simply an issue of copycat behavior; meaning if our children see us raising our voices, they will in turn, raise their voices. If they see folks on TV disrespecting each other, they will learn to copy those behaviors. I have struggled with all these same issues, and learned after just six years of homeschooling, that my children mimic my and my husband's behavior and the behaviors they see on TV and movies. Hence, we limit these exposures. The more respectful and considering I am of my children, the more so they are of me. And the softer and calmer I am, the softer and calmer they learn to be.

BARBARA B 01/03/2011 08:21:48

Thank you all for sharing. I do believe that in my case the attitudes I exhibited towards my husband have played a role in how my older kids are responding to him and me. Unless your husband is a horrible person

( and I mean really bad) I think that there is a certain level of respect he deserves like none other. I grew up with my mom disrespecting my dad and now that I'm older I realize that it was probably a horrible thing for my dad to endure. Deserving it or not. The word of God teaches us to be examples of Christ. I believe that if we are obedient to God in every area he will honor our obedience with order in our lives. The husband is the head of our homes distorting that hierarchy is a dangerous situation that can cause serious lose of moral in our homes. As homeschool moms we only have a few years to impress Godly characteristics in our children and the area of respect is very important. I pray this has blessed someone as all of you have blessed me.

MARITZA S 01/03/2011 09:19:42

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. It is truly comforting to learn there are other parents dealing with similar issues. I love God and just pray to have him always be by my side and guide me and help me be a better parent....to help me teach my children the importance of respect and most important....to follow God's word always.

DE M 01/03/2011 09:23:05

What a timely post as we have been struggling with disrespect. I am trying to find a balance between grace, mercy and discipline.

VIRGINIA M 01/03/2011 09:26:56

We have the same types of issues in our homeschool and one resource that has been increidibly helpful is signing up to receive weekly emails from the National Center for Biblical Parenting. They offer hands on suggestions for teaching heart issues to our children. Honour has been a great theme recently, one which has helped in the area of obedience and respect. Hope that helps! Blessings, Ginny

LINDA Y 01/03/2011 12:42:51

Frances B when I read your message it was like an arrow pierced my heart. Sounds like your "little dickens" might take after you. I would like to suggest that you teach him to be angry but sin not Eph 4:26 & 27, 29-32. When he says he talks about death in anger I would tell him, when he's not mad, how wrong it is to say I wish I were dead, I wish mom was dead. Sometimes Satan will put thoughts in our heads & we need to pray & tell him to leave us alone & ask Jesus to help us think about things that are pure & good, Phil 4:8. We all get angry but there are things we need to control. I'd explain to him that because of your love for him when he is defiant or disobedient you have to punish him. If you didn't correct wrong behaviour you would not love him. When you say your son will be ok because there is not much outside influence it worried me. He already has some violent thoughts about death/suicide & even tho he is sheltered. If I were you I would do all I could to stop this kind of behaviour/thinking.

I've raised 3 kids, my oldest is 27 & has a 2 yo. My other 2 are 15 & 14. I've made a lot of mistakes along the way but one thing I know is we all have issues & seeking out Christ for all areas of our lives is the answer to all of life's problems. He will never leaves us or forsake us. I'm the tough guy in our marriage. My husband is one of the most nonconfrontational individuals I've ever met. It has caused problems but we are both trying & God has helped our family with all of our shortcomings. I'll pray that God gives you & your husband wisdom & strength to raise you children with godly wisdom. Linda

LINDA Y 01/03/2011 12:44:24

Frances, I forgot to say one of my constant prayers is for God to help me know when to be firm & when to let things go. Hope this helps. Linda

TAMMY K 01/03/2011 15:57:59

I have always taught my children that if they respect me that show they love me. The same is true for us, if respect our Heavenly Father by obeying his commands we are showing we love Him. My husband and I have taught our children they are to respect themselves as well as others. This is important to us, because there are many young people today who have no respect for themselves let alone their elders.

SUSAN M 01/03/2011 18:40:59

I found it interesting how many people are struggling with this issue. Just today when I asked my son to come out and do his barn chores before it was dark, he replied he would do it later. I knew the importance of doing it before it got later so I just turned and said I would do it myself. As I was putting on my boots, I felt this was the wrong response and realized since he is 13 now and too old for the rod, that I really didn't have any tools that I felt were useful for immediate discipline. As I was pondering this, he came forward and started getting his jacket on ready to go out with me. I then thought from now on, I would say "No computer time today". I usually let the kids play on it 2x a day for 30 minutes as a reward for finishing homeschool on a timely basis. Talking about stuff is important but without a "bite" it doesn't seem to have much sticking power.

CLAUDENE S 01/04/2011 05:20:31

I work on this with my children on a daily basis. I want them to respect others and to listen to us (parents). My husband hasn't always been as strong in this area. They will disrespect him MUCH quicker than they would me. Even though I am tough on them in this area, insisting they respect him, honestly, the requirement for respect comes from each individual. If you allow it, it will happen. If it's happening, you are allowing it. Each family knows what works best for them, but individually, we teach others, even family, how to treat us. The trick is, understanding how that works for each of us. Know what you want and what you want for your family, and don't be afraid to go for it. Some of the best advice I can give is - ignore what others are doing. TV, family, friends. Look within yourself, pray, and create a plan for your own family.

FRANCES B 01/04/2011 08:38:53

Thanks to Linda Y and Claudene S. I will, indeed share those verses with my son and tell him that it is ok to be angry but that it is wrong to wish death on himself or anyone else. I see that it is true that Satan whispers in his ear. And you are right, he takes after me. I struggle with self esteem when I was little and yet had so much love in my heart, it hurt even more to feel rejected. I have shared that with him and told him I really know how he feels and that has brought us together. And with my desire to be even tempered, I think, Claudene, that I have indeed allowed disrespect to happen. With God's help, we will focus on respect and obedience.

Dee P 01/04/2011 11:08:45

I work part-time for a wonderful family here in Clinton, Il. , and the disrespect in that home leaves me in tears some day. It seems some days that no-one has any respecet for anyone there. I have tries to sit with my boss's and speak with them, and they have made an effort, but the behavior continues. These kids have to have the last word. They give theses awful looks, and mumble things under thier breath.

Mon and Dad ( he is thier Step Dad)are at trhier wits end.,, I have tried several different things try to get the kid to behave. The sad part is that they are really good kid.

We'll take all the prayer and help we can get.. I don't want to quite mt job, but the stress is wearing on me. I yelled at the kids yesterday . Yelling is not a behavior that I condone.

Thanks for listing,

Dee Clinton,Il/.

VICKY K 01/04/2011 19:52:04

Also an issue we struggle with. Our children choose not to do their homeschool work. We have yet to find a discipline that works. Their iPods and ds have been locked away, for months at a time. We have skipped family outings, theme parks, McDonalds, desserts, all kinds of things. We're down to only church and youth group activities now. Nothing works for long. We are just about at our wits end. We try to be respectful and consistent. It is tiring and trying.

HEIDI W 01/05/2011 00:24:50

I struggle with respecting my husband. He is very harsh with my oldest son, who is very sensitive, and I can see him crushing his spirit. I know that my oldest has many discipline issues and I find myself yelling at him as well, although less often than I used to partly because I am compensating to a fault. I fear for my son's future and it is very hard for me to restrain from interfering and taking the heat myself. I know that my children see this but I don't know how to silence the mama bear in me or how to deal with the after affects when I do. I see my oldest's temper flaring more and more with his younger siblings and I don't want to see him become this kind of father. My son is gifted and very distracted and it infuriates us because he appears to be ignoring directions.

SUSAN M 01/06/2011 12:38:38

This is in response to VIcki K. I can understand your frustration with the kids not doing their homeschool work. I find especially with the boy I mentioned in my comment that he does not seem to "want" to do his school work either. He has had some learning problems and so I regularily sit with him throughout the entire school time, which is usually about 3 to 4 hours. My daughter who is gifted usually works alone, but I find that I cannot ignore her work. She also does better when I sit with her and talk a bit about the subject she is working on - this makes for better accountabiity. Sometimes, they just need us to take the time and sit there with them and we have to turn a blind eye to all the housework and other things that call out to us. After this, some reward is in order - some computer time or a TV show. Parenting is hard and sometimes it seems a person keeps looking for answers as circumstances change. I hope this was of some good.

MARCEE H 01/03/2012 05:55:50

Parenting is hard. Every post confirms that. I find that using a guide to help me pray for my kids and my husband makes all the difference."The power of a praying parent" is an excellent book. It covers areas that I haven't even considered and gives me a voice to know how to pray for my girls. I do the same for my husband ,"The power of a praying wife", because we need to be united in raising our kids and I want to be parents who only use the word as a ruler. It really is so amazing to have a prayer to put our frustrations into words and then see God begin to move in that area of our kids lives! I hope that is an encouragement.

ANNE L 01/03/2012 06:14:55

This is for Heidi W, who struggles with respecting her husband. This is an issue that both of us have worked on together. We still do and we've been married for 23 years! I think that in this world, sin and temptation cause us to lose our judgment and when we look at our spouse in the eyes of the world, respect goes out the window. I find that if I stay centered on Christ, this problem goes away. Look at your husband from the viewpoint of the Father in heaven, and pray for your attitude toward him, his relationship with your oldest, and for your son. Look at Marcee H's posts for the two books she recommends...I also use those books and they changed my life. I hope this helps.

KRISTY W 01/03/2012 08:02:13

Martiza, your situation spoke to my heart. My son has severe ADHD. He was in a public school until 6th grade. School was not a positive enviroment for him and he wasn't learning. The school was ready to expel him and recommended a treatment facility. We decided to homeschool instead and I quit my job. The first year was a constant challenge. He was still frustrated and angry, acting out at everything. A wise friend told me to make the goal of our first year of homeschooling to be healing and relationship. Anything that produced conflict, we just took a step back and took it slower. The goal is to give him an enviroment that is slow enough or calm enough or safe enough (whatever he needs) that he doesn't need to act out and can begin to learn to how to express his thoughts/feelings in words. I know it is hard. I know you feel frustrated. It is not your fault and you just have to look at each day as a learning process for you to find what will eventually work. I won't lie - It was a terrible year for us, but we made it and now that my son understands that he is in a safe, helpful enviroment just right for him, he has stopped acting out and is making up all the skills he was lacking. He is respectful (the most respectful of all our children) and he reads his Bible every day and praises God for helping him. He has caught up academically and is ahead of his grade. Children with ADHD are immature for their age (I am told they are emotionally 3 years behind their chronological age). Give him time to mature and keep teaching him God's love. It also sounds as if you need (as I did) a very good professional team to support you (doctor, psychiatrist, etc). I also know this is hard to find the right ones - especially those who support homeschooling. Just keep at it until you find the right ones. Educate yourself and ask adults with ADHD to explain to you how it feels or what their thought processes are/were. You have to understand where he is coming from in order to get him where he needs to be. I encourage you to take time for yourself - take breaks, do whatever makes you whole. I will pray for you! I just wanted you to know that yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. During those dark years, I was so worried that my son's situation would never change. I praise God for bringing my son through and for giving me a chance to give you hope. God bless you and your family.

CARMEN R 01/03/2012 08:30:17

I've heard that if the wife doesn't respect her husband, the children won't respect their mother. Also, I've noticed that the way I talk to my children is the way they talk back to me. If I talk to them in a calm respectful way, they will in turn be respectful and will learn that behaviour.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1

BRENDA K 01/03/2012 10:56:31

I'm so thankful for this topic because I have homeschooled 6 children and in only one of the kids I'm having a issue with and it starts when he was in his teens. It was hard to notice at times because he like his father would cause problems then try to smooth them over as if he saved the day and the fights that would start after his trickery. It wasn't all the time but now he's 21 living at home and he's in prayer daily and reading his bible sings to the lord daily plus goes to church when he's not working. But still he's having a problem with being mouthy and controlling when it comes to decisions of the home and our finances. I don't mind constructive input but he takes it to the extreme to the point that I would at time rather he not live at home. But I don't want the kids to leave home till they are ready to marry. He's not dating but rather waiting for the right girl to come into his life. Please God bring him a good God fearing young woman into his life. Soon LOL. I tell him all the time about respecting his parents. Maybe he should go out into the world and fend for himself I don't know anymore. It's to the point that his father will come to me and say well Ryan thinks we should do this or that about certain issues which could be about anything now a days you never know from day to day what he's going to have an option about. Any Wisdom out there for me? Sorry for a long comment. Brenda

TARA H 01/03/2012 11:59:02

I struggle with my daughter about respect vs disrespect. I am very open with her and nip it in the bud by saying that was disrespectful how you reacted and pass out a punishmnet. I worry how she respects other adults when I am not around.

TARA H 01/03/2012 12:01:30

Brenda a man should know how to care for himself. Let him go so he can be prepared to care for the wife God brings.

CHRISTINA F 01/03/2012 13:58:03

Respect really is a key element in relationships. One thing that people really get wrong is the idea that respect is something we earn. Respect is a gift that we offer to others. And it has nothing to do with their present state of character or actions. You respect others because it is the right thing to do. If you are not showing respect, then you ARE showing disrespect. Somehow I do NOT think that this is what Jesus would have us do.

JESSICA D 03/01/2012 11:22:59

Disrespect in children is a dangerous path to sow with destructive reapings, however, another equally dangerous path is parenting with "squashing disrespect" as the main driving force. I thought this post was a little harsh. You could hear the author's strong emotion and utter despisal coming through in the emotionally thick words (s)he used in almost every sentence, and that sort of strong emotion can tend to culminate in a general parenting approach that focuses on "breaking rebellion" as the main driving force. It can be the main message a child receives, shaping their view of God incorrectly, and destroying the relationship with parents.

Today, I am 37 and have watched every child I grew up with (we all grew up under this type of parenting) fall away from Christ, including all my siblings. The fruit of this focus is very ugly.

Instead, I think a better way is to focus on the heart as well as the behavior. Behind that "mouth" is a heart that matters to God, and should matter to us. A child shouldn't hear, "God abhors your mouthy attitude and you will reap destruction". This is the authors opening "thesis statement", and I can't tell you how many times I heard those exact words (and almost every other thing said in this devotional) growing up. And it's those words that drive a child as far away from God and their parents as possible.

I propose a better way is, "God's heart breaks when He sees you sowing seeds that are going to reap ugly consequenses. God gives one very specific command in the Bible aimed only at children, and it's that they need to honor their parents. I love you so much, I cannot let disrespect be cultivated in your life because I want your life to turn out well. And we want our family to be marked by love, honor, and respect. So I have to deal with this attitude in you." And then followed up with appropriate discipline if necessary, and then being consistant in love with it every time!

I've taken that approach with my children (now 10 and 8) and so far, disrespect has not been a problem in our house. We get comments about how well-behaved our children are. Most importantly, we still have a relationship with our kids. They know they are treasures and so are other people. And because they are treasures, they are worthy of loving words, not disrespect.

Please parents, remember rules without relationship equals rebellion, every time. Don't lose the relationship by dealing with disrespect in dangerous ways. Keep the main focus in mind!

ELIZABETH N 01/03/2013 06:23:29

Maritza S.,

I too have a son with ADHD. When he was 4 I started seeing rage and respect issues. I brought it to my husbands attention, and with his daycare givers. I was told that "boys are just that way, etc." The breakthrough came while I was talking w/ a girlfriend on the phone and he got mad at me, kicking and screaming. My friend is a psychologist and excused herself for saying anything, (professional ethics) but I really needed to have him evaluated. I did and had my husband go with me to get the results. That convinced him! Every child is different, but his Dr actually recommended h.s.! When he misbehaves there are consequences- he lost the tv in his room for a year b/c he would turn it on when he wasn't supposed to. At one point his rages were so bad he was damaging doors etc and I was at the end of a rope. My husband fixed it with a spanking and the admonition that if he broke our stuff, something of his would be broken. I also started reinforcing the 10 commandments.

Now, he is much better, and I can explain to him why he should or shouldn't act certain ways. He's a loving 8 yr old and even lectures his friends on their behaviour!

Don't give up, be consistent, use the Bible. My Dr also pointed out that giving 'warnings' is self-defeating. Just punish when its warranted.

God bless you.

DANA K 01/03/2013 07:23:10

For those of you having trouble with behavior and if your children take ANY medicine over the counter or prescription... check online for side effects. My son has allergies and was on Allegra for a while. When he would get upset about something he would scream for about 20 minutes, hit and try to get away from me. He also had night terrors. He also can not use steroid creams or meds with them in it because it will do the same thing. I have found a lot of meds that he can not take. Do a search and see what you find. After two weeks of being off the meds my son became my sweet boy that I knew he could be. Check it out and don't be affraid to talk to your child's doctor. Not all will agree with you but you know your child best. My child's allergist told me that I see my child every day and have a much better idea about how something will affect him. He only sees him a couple times a year so it is hard for him to know if a medcine bothers him.

DAVID T 01/03/2013 10:27:35

Thank you for your devotionals. They have helped me in many ways. Today I am asking for prayer from fellow Christian homeschoolers. Please pray that my husband will take courage, see the disrespect, and help parent according to God's will in this area. I know God is faithful, and I'm thanking all of you in advance. May the Lord richly bless you all in this year ahead!

SHANNON B 01/03/2013 10:49:07

Thank you Kristy W.. You were also speaking to me!! I just started Home Schooling my 16 year old son, who also has ADD. I am dealing with a very disrespectful young man, but the only one he is disrespectful to is me.... At Church we get so many compliments on what a sweet and kind young man we have, but at school, and at home he is terrible. When you want him to do something that he does not want to do, we get the attitude, but boy when he is getting his way he is a sweetie..... I look at it, just like when he was 2 and throwing temper tantrums. I just ignore it, but I wonder if more action is required...... Thank you for your lovely response!

TERESA S 01/03/2013 17:50:37

reading this devotional, my 13 yr old called me a name (not profane) and I gave her 10 sentences "Honor thy father and thy mother."

She wrote her sentences, and has been respectful for the rest of the day. I intend to calmly give out sentences, more each time, every time she says something disrespectful or "my fat Lord." It is not the severity of the punishment that counts, it is the quickness in which it is delivered. She cooperated well when we read Jane Eyre this evening.

VIRGINIA K 01/03/2013 21:05:26

I was so happy to see an article like this...

We as parents need to recognize how we influence our young.

Our heavenly Father has allowed us an awesome opportunity. Our vision on being a parent must be acquired from the firmness of The Word. Without Him, we are - and will be - nothing.

He loves us so much; He prepared a way for us to be equipped.

The pattern of the world has caused us to think more ' feelings ' orientated. We make it hard for ourselves and our young by yielding to less than good thoughts.

' Gods' Will ' must be recognized. Then personalizing your vision with thought of sowing toward reaping enjoyment, thanking Him for His grace, as there is always more He needs to teach us. And Always yielding toward His Will (onslaught to the devil and his demeaning plans...)

Children need to hear and see this directly, incorporating scripture as The base of why.

i.e. "Why do I have to feed the dog..." Prov.12:10 Because this was your given responsibility. If we are a family we need firmness/direction/by loving example. - There is no why - So is the idea of the thought Philippians 4:7-9 not a suggestion ...Whatever is true ...Whatever is noble... whatever is pure ...Whatever is right...Think about such things; If anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things... even children have the ability/power in their life. Life and death are in the power of the tongue Proverbs 18:21 They need to know these principles...

They...won't have comprehension of being ' bored ' ...should be aware of what your saying!

God has a bigger picture of 'real joy' even in little things (thoughts and intents)

We have a mentality (probably from television and other influence we open ourselves to in our choices) of "anything goes", and we become lax... Thinking that thoughts just come and we have no understanding how, why, or where those sometimes tormenting thoughts come from...But real joy is...the beginning to understanding we are ' building all the time !'

Agreeing and continuing with the article above of Jessica B. "loving words build"... we need to be aware... they see this in spiritual to human example daily, if positioned with The authoritive place The Word must position us into.

Many times our heavenly father has a bigger picture than we see at this point, we must realize how we need to run to Him to help us trust Him - If any of you lacks wisdom He gives and upbraideth not (resists not/rejects). And personalize His Word to be our material to build with abstract as well as concrete situations.

He has given us authority over our own space of words/even thoughts, which are so easily disregarded as happenstance.

This authority of how our words affect everything, even our attitude. Should be seen as something that we could be addressing to our young, as a distraction, or fulfilling to every bit/moment of our ability to believing/building who we are.

It's about in pleasing the Father. It is impossible to please Him without faith; and is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 (childlike)Hebrews 11:1 Faith is substance of things hoped for.

Leading them to gradually/developing with responsibility/awareness (by watching you in thought of how easily repentance renews...of course) and causes them to be leaders(hearing His voice; which may sound like ours(as parents replying with His words).

Accountable/aware of their own will connecting to Him and His perfect will .

Which is our goal :) Then fills their heart with hope bringing respect to the whole family...

LORI T 01/03/2013 21:56:01

Lori T

I totally agree that you must discipline with love and respect with RELATIONSHIP. That can not be stressed enough. I have had 5 children and the youngest is 14.My 20 year old has add and is no longer living at home. He on more than one occasion told me that he didn't respect me because I always said wait to your Dad gets home when I should have dealt with it myself. He said that the reason he was having so many problems is because I didn't spank him enough. I would tell him he was such a good boy and he would say, "Mom, I was a bad kid!" This was not one of those cute conversations that comes up between you and your grown child and you talk about the things they used to do and Te-He about it. He was serious to the point of tears and anger. The other thing I wanted to say was that it is also true that the Husbands disrespect for the mother will also make the children disrespectful and everyone should demand respect. I have a friend whose child reminds me so much of my son with Add and he will disrespect her and she will follow with a sentence calling him honey. This is not turning the cheek. This is confused parenting and that kid is being told, "It is acceptable that I just disrespected you because you just called me honey." I also agree that respect is something you do as a descent human being. You show respect by being respectful. First you must respect yourself. People who call themselves an idiot when they do something wrong (Like drop something) have an easier time of calling someone else an idiot when they do something of such nature. What about our bodies being the temple to house the Holy Spirit? Why would this be acceptable? Fathers have a big deal to do with a lot of what is going on in the world today. They are the ones that are suppose to be leading the family to the example of Christ- which is all about relationship and selflessness. In Ephesians where it talks about the husband loving the wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. How did He love the church? He put us all first before himself. Do not get bitter if you are in this situation that does not line up with Scripture BUT Pray and watch God work! There is a verse in the new testament that says that a self centered life will lead to destruction. This is why so many homes are a mess because when there is a selfish atmosphere where everything is about the father, the kids get cheated out of relationship-hence rebellion-DESTRUCTION. Oh, God can put the pieces together and mend things but boy will you pay the price. The oldest ones are the toughest because you are always harder on them and they see God the way they saw their father and his approach. I agree with Jessica D very much. She hit the nail on the head. Their were many other good points. If you find yourself answering back in an inpatient tone because your right in the middle of something, that tone is going to come back to you, it is only a matter of time. We suffered much but the child with ADD helped us grow up in the Lord and straighten us out more then anything and he is doing well now. We went through a lot of money, worry and pain but it got our attention and Jessica D is right! Sometimes its hard to parent when your own parents made so many mistakes. By the way, no one calls anyone to salvation except the Holy Spirit, so love your children through thick and thin. We do not have to love how they live but we are called to love them just like we would some other kid. It is Gods job to convict them as they get older and we can only pray and give advice when asked. Prayer is vital- pray that God would give them Godly sorrow leading to repentance, which is a gift from God. If you try to convict them, it will just make them angrier and angrier at God.When the HOLY SPIRIT convicts them, they will feel HIs Love and be humbled. Listen to Moody radio-they have a lot of good parenting advice that I wish we had listened to a long time ago. Love to all!

LORI T 01/03/2013 22:11:56

Lori T

PS You must not ever teach the word of God in Hypocrisy. A man or woman who leads their house in hypocrisy are doomed for failure until they repent. The Lord gave me a song; How can we expect our kids, to make the right decision..if we are not and example..to lead them into truth....what is the truth?..isn't it..to love the Lord your God..with all your soul and your mind..and to forsake that which is not of Him? Be ye Holy..for I am Holy...Says the Lord.God almighty..Look within Me and you will see..that My love for you exceeds the sand of the sea.

SARAH H 01/04/2013 00:04:05

Jessica D

Thank you so much for your input and wisdom regarding the devotional. Over this last year the one thing I feel God has been teaching me is not not focus on the negative behavior of my children so much as the heart behind what they say and do. Most of us have heard the verse, "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks", but how often do we address issues of the heart with our children in contrast to simply desiring to control their behavior? The book of Proverbs speaks very pointedly to this subject of the heart being the root of what we say and do yet, I believe, our emotions seem to dictate many times the way in which we deal with disrespect in our children. It is impossible to separate the needed teaching, rebuke, training, etc. that needs to take place in love when we are enraged. I'm finding the needed realization of how great the sin is in my own life and how much in need of God's grace, in order to approach dealing with the sin in my children. We are older, more experienced and mature, but no less sinful. I think it is only when we can come alongside our children and confess with them that we too struggle with obedience to God and failure that we can offer them the grace and power to change their own behavior. We do not need to show them perfection, but rather be able to admit that we are in need of the same changing grace as we move forward with them in our sanctification. This is not to say that we condone their behavior or that we fail to give needed consequences, but that we offer the message of the gospel each time we do...... that God is our ever present help in time of trouble and that He alone can give us the power to change sinful behavior. Always going back to the cross and the glory of it, that God became sin for us so that we could become the righteousness of God in Christ.

I struggle with disciplining my 6 children daily, because it is hard and I don't usually want to deal with it. It is wearying and requires time and energy. These are prime opportunities however to know Christ better through suffering and cling to the promise that He will complete the good work He has begun in us. We are all works in progress.

TAMMY H 01/04/2013 17:12:45

\"out of the abundance of the heart, so speaks the mouth\", but also remember that the \"abundance\" we are feeding our hearts and minds could be toxic-tongued, smartmouth comments fed to us by TV and music. I say this as my children are watching Disney and my heart has been so burdened lately by the influence of of electronic media, beginning with, and before, shows like Roseanne and commercials that typically show someone (usually a parent or authority figure) being treated with disrespect. Characters says disrespectful things to each other and one person is made to look like an idiot. TV has taught several generations how to treat each other. My husband is also like several of the others. He can disrespect me, but is hard on the kids if they do. I also have a seven year old who is mildly autistic, but has a wide swing on emotions! Without God, I don\'t know what I would do! I do try to \"not provoke my children to anger\" and treat them with respect, but I also have to start demanding that for myself as well.

Gilean 07/14/2021 20:05:45

I am thankful for any advice on how to handle my teenage son who totally transformed into disrespectful behavior today.

Cindy Truelove 11/12/2021 19:42:06

Hi i hope this helps someone. I was very stern n harsh with my boys. I grew up believing that this was the way to raise God fearing respectful children. The verse ....eph. 6:4 fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. First of all I always had heard this verse interpreted as "fear and admonition" and I recall growing up in service it was always spoken with such harshness like there was a strong physical power to it. And as I had my own children and I would read the Bible and I come to this verse it had been etched in my mind that I continued to read it as I had always heard it..."fear and admonition." Since I was always scared into behaving as a kid. By "you better do this or that or else!!! I'm sure some of you recall this. Now days it's called intimidation or bullying. But this was how I started raising my children. Until about 3-4 years ago. I was studying the word trying to understand somethings my oldest son had been reading and we'd been talking about. I looked up the word admonition. Bc remember now for almost 45 years this word to me meant in a harsh firm pushy manner. Admonition is a gentle nudge in the right direction. This broke my heart for my boys. At that time they were 22 and 23 yrs old. I knew that in my heart God understood and immediately forgave my misunderstanding of this. And I apologized to both my children. I still think of all the opportunities I missed to lovingly push them in the right direction. And there were times that I'd be gentle and try to teach them patiently even tho I still believed it was supposed to be firm and bc bad habits being hard to break I would always go back to being firm. My boys forgave me saying mom, how would you know to do any different if that's how you were raised. And living next door to my parents who still treated me as a 13 year old child. They saw first hand why I did some things I did. So my oldest son will be 26 thus Nov 16. My baby boy sadly passed away Feb of this year 2021 from Recurrent Hodgkins Lymphoma just 4 days why of his 24th birthday. He's with Jesus now and no longer in pain. I hope if anyone has been mislead by this as I have I pray this helps you. I thank aGod for the opportunity to share. Thank you and God bless Cindy Truelove Stanley, NC

Kurt 05/24/2022 20:08:48

I'm a believer, a father of three, a husband, and a marriage therapist. It's important to remember not all disrespectful behavior is the same, and therefore should not be dealt with the same. Even sometimes a parents mood or unreal expectations for the child can be an impetus in a child's unwanted behavior. I've also seen on numerous occasions when a child's disrespectful behavior is he or she mirroring the behavior of how the parents treat one another. If mom and dad do not respect one another and speak unwholesomely in the home, can we hold the child wholly responsible and accountable for disrespectful behavior? I think not.