Unfair Labels

DENEEN R 03/12/2009 05:00:32

I have enjoyed the devotions from AOP and many have impacted me but Unfair Labels has probably impacted me the greatest because of the tremendous persecution our family faces within our family. It is expected that those on the outside of ones family may have negative comments, but negative comments should not come from ones own family. We are pioneers in that we are the only ones in the family who homeschool. I am looking forward to seeing how the Lord will use this training in future descendants. Unfortunately, the greatest homeschool critics are those in the homeschoolers family. Indeed, all who are persecuted should say as Jesus said, "Forgive them; for they know not what they do."

CHRISTY H 03/13/2009 23:36:17

I agree with Deneen R.! We are the only homeschoolers in our family as well and I constantly get asked about social skills and "how can you do that and stay sane?" And my reply, "She has friends in our church and we hang out with other homeschoolers and as for how I can do it, that is the easy part, because I can! We are their first teachers anyway. Who teaches them how to crawl, talk and walk, HELLO! I just took my daughter out of public school, she wanted to go back after being homeschooled for 2 years. I warned her how things might be a bit different, but she was optimistic. Well, the first twelve weeks went pretty well and then after that she started having migraines and seizures in the classroom. The neurologists put her on anti-seizure meds, but they still happened, but this time she was dizzy and drowzy and not able to focus in class. So of course, I am the bad "egg", so the teachers call me in for a "conference". Whatever! We had 3 "conferences" and they were so useless. All they talked about was how she must have ADD/ADHD or Autism because they can't get her to focus and pay attention, so she needs meds for that. Nope! Also, she doesn't have any friends in any of her classes so she is weird cause she is not like the rest of the teens. Well, first of all, what right do they have to label my daughter, second, um hello seizures and meds (they didn't even listen to the school nurse), and friends, who wants to make friends with kids that cuss, are disrespectful, wear clothing like they are two bit you-know-whats and obviously want to get pregnant by 16. My daughter told me she loves Christ and wants to live by his example, she told her teachers that and got laughed at. What a world we live in!! All the more reason why we should homeschool and keep them out of harms reach. The adversary is on every corner and in every school. We should be proud of our children who stand up for themselves in the name of Christ. Can I get an Amen!! Ya'll have a blessed night, from NC, Christy H. (Howard's School) PS-BTW, She hasn't had a seizure in over 3 weeks since I took her out of that stressful environment! Food for thought!

CHRISTINA L 03/12/2010 05:26:47

Well, I'm so used to persecution that homeschool is a peice of cake! Everyone asks me, "Why did you adopt? Can't you have your OWN children? " Now I just have the added question, "How are your children socializing?" It's yet another thing that people don't understand about me. The best reply is, "My children are getting what they need. There are a lot of organizations in my area to provide socailization and I take them all over the place for learning". I also add that I can teach my children in 2 hours what most children in public school get in 6-8 hours, so there is so much more time for recreation! Before my conversation is over, I'm trying to persuade them to homeschool.

Keep your chin up! They just don't understand us.

KIM L 03/12/2010 07:54:12

Christina and Deneen, thank you for sharing your thoughts!

always glean so much from reading the Daily Focus each morning before beginning the academic day. Our family carries a double label of being a homeschool family and an adoptive family to three international adoptees. We had already gotten used to answering some fairly intrusive questions when our children were young regarding adoption. God used that time to build grace in me to answer the homeschool questions. Our children have all experienced public school, private school and now home education. We are anything but socially isolated and our home is the neighborhood hub of activity when the neighbor kids get home from school. Our children excel in outside activities and have many diverse friends. When asked how our 9th grader does science and algebra because the person asking has "no patience" to even help their child with homework, I just look at them and say, "God gave me the interest and desire to study math and science in high school and college. So far, I am able to help him when he needs it." I also tout the AO curriculum SOS that he uses. ( ;

I am figuring out as time goes along that there are so many reasons that families are choosing to homeschool. It wouldn't matter at this point if nobody understands our reasons for homeschooling, our children like it and it fits our family well!

Donna M 03/13/2010 13:17:22

heard something the other day..... 'why do we try so hard to fit, and blend in with the others. Maybe we are here to stand out.. so shine!'

SHIRLEY K 03/17/2010 15:22:23

I think a lot of parents feel guilty because they know they are not willing to invest that much time and/or give up a second income to homeschool. They are afraid of the responsibility, and hope that the school they send their kids to will be able to do a good job. A job they aren't willing or feel unable to do. It is a way of justifying their own, less personally costly, decision.

As for kids in public school--they have to believe homeschooled kids are weird. Because the homeschooling parents are making a very strong statement when they sacrifice so much to teach their own children, instead of sending them off to a free education that costs them nothing. If that sacrifice (by homeschooling parents) is justified...what does it mean that their own parents send them off each day, from age 5 to age 18, to be taught by government schools? Nothing that makes a public schooled kid feel very good.

Some people might also realize that religious reasons are behind some parents' choice to homeschool. The strength of that faith is uncomfortable, when it motivates such a response from parents, who turn away from an easier path in every respect to take on parental educational responsibility (and the blame that will come to them alone if it doesn't work out). If they want to downplay the impact of an athiestic education on their Christian kids, or if they are hoping the schools will get rid of people's faith little by little...either way, it motivates them to put down homeschooling.

SHERISSE V 03/18/2010 09:07:04

I am so glad to see this post. This is our first year homeschooling. I have a high schooler(9th gr) who actually asked to be homeschooled! We had a discussion about why, because I did not want it to be the fear of Highschool.(2Tim 1:7)

So I had her write down the reasons she wanted to be homeschooled and one of her reasons were,to get AWAY from the negative influences of public school.

I understand what you mean by labels. I also p.t. substitute in middle school and when ever I say she's homeschooled I get these looks like I just grew 3 heads or something. I was asked by one of the teachers, "well what about her social skills?" I told her she had her church youth group ,and a teen homeschool group her skills are fine. Besides she's been in public school since kindergarden,if she doesn't have some social skills by now it ain't happening!!

Not only are we the only one's in our family to homeschool, we are also an african american family homeschooling,YIKES!! So we reaaally get the looks.

It's taking some getting use to for me,I still have my days when I'm not quite sure I should be doing this.But then I get on these sites and I'm encouraged.

Thanks

PAT S 03/12/2011 03:22:01

Yea, my granddaughter is really missing out on all those socialization skills. Shed had a great lesson in that her last day of school when a boy came up to her and wagged a condom in front of her face and wanted to know if she knew how to use it and if not, offered to show her how. Of course that was after a different kid 3 days previous requested that she send him a picture, through text message....nude. Yep she is really missing out....THANK GOD! Were it not for SOS, she would still be in that cesspool.

CLAUDENE S 03/12/2011 06:35:51

My children have been in public school for three years now. When I speak with educators about my children and how I understand them and their learning styles, we still get the look or rude comment concerning their education. Like we as a parent couldn't possibly understand the how's and why's of proper education. I stand up with confidence for my children knowing I DO understand them very well and want the best for them. Much more than any educator could ever understand and want for them.

Parents, continue to do what's right for your children, regardless of comments of others. Know within yourself you are where God would have you to be and hold your head high for the joy in educating your children. Whether you continue until they graduate or end their home education early, continue to stand by your children with joy in your hearts.

We need to be polite, yet firm because we DO know and understand how our children learn. People are uncomfortable with the differences in others, but if we are patient and confident about what the Lord would have us to do, those that don't agree with what we do will seem less intimidating.

JULIE J 03/12/2011 08:01:09

I agree that the criticism we face is frustrating, but I also think we need to be careful about the attitude we have towards those who don't homeschool. My family homeschools because of a firm conviction from God that it is what we are supposed to be doing. God has different plans for every person and family and for any of us to criticize those who don't homeschool means that we could be criticizing them for simply doing what God has led them to do in their lives. We don't know what His plan is for everyone. Also to turn around and criticize those who criticize us does not reflect a Christ-like attitude.

JULIE J 03/12/2011 08:26:18

Shirley K, I would also like to say that implying that parents who do send their children to public school somehow love their children less or are unwilling to make sacrifices for their children is simply wrong. While that may be true for some parents, it is not true for all. Again, we have to be careful of thinking we know God's plan for someone else. I, myself, was not homeschooled because it was not something God convicted my parents they needed to do. Neither was my husband homeschooled. And there has never been a moment when either one of us felt unloved by our parents or like they didn't sacrifice for us. As hard as it is for some to believe, public school & private school were a part of God's plan for me and for my husband as we grew up & not homeschooling. God has used those experiences in our lives to teach us many things.

ANDREA A 03/12/2011 08:39:43

This one resonated with me. It really used to bother me...all the criticism, and pecking that others did. But, as my children have grown - not just in their age, but in their faith, it no longer bothers me. I've taught them they are to be witnesses for Christ Jesus. Now, it is true that many people are just watching and waiting for them to make a mistake. When you're a true Christian, the secular world becomes far more critical of you, and scrutinizes your every move. My kids know that.

How they conduct themselves - whereever they are, either glorifies God or doesn't. They know that their only purpose on earth is to glorify God. What we see in the secular world most often does nothing to glorify God, does it?

Coming from a family of public educators, I felt the heat and criticism ALOT. That constant pecking only made me rely on the Lord more for His guidance and seek Him for more wisdom. Now the fruits of all that are beginning to show. The criticism has faded, and compliments abound! I am truly grateful for the criticism that was leveled against me, and my family! It only served to strengthen and develop a stronger faith and reliance upon the grace and provision of our Lord Jesus Christ!!!

The example the kids have set has even caused some in the family to really re-think their attitudes and assumptions about homeschooling. Praise God!

And thank you, AOP, for this wonderful devotion! Taking time to reflect on my journey in homeschooling has been a great blessing and encouragement!

ELAINE P 03/12/2011 08:51:00

I am beginning to see that the public school system feels threatened by home school families. In this current climate of educational reform they see their credibility and jobs on the line and being questioned. My children were in public school for many years and just could not take it anymore! They begged me to home school them. Our society feels uncomfortable with anything that does not melt in the usual flow of things that they have lived and seen all their lives. My kids find friends in the neighborhood, and through other outlets like the library programs or park district programs.

I think the "nerdy, overly religious, old fashioned dressed" image of home school families is portrayed on television by the Duggar family and others like them. They are a lovely family and I love watching them and their life style looks grand. But it's not our family. We are more like everybody else, except my kids no longer board a big yellow bus to learn. I feel very lucky and blessed to home school, and look to God everyday for reassurance and encouragement.

SANDRA S 03/12/2011 09:11:30

Well, I know people are against things they don't know about. I usually tell people that one of the reasons I homeschool my girls is because I like them, and I like having them around. As far as the socialization thing goes, a good response might be, "Could you please stop interrupting my children while they are doing AYSO, Ballet, Basketball, Piano, or whatever activity they are doing to ask them about the 'socialization' skills they are lacking?" I don't say that to be mean, but a lot of folks send their kids to school 'for a break'. Those are the ones that can't wait for spring break or summer to be over to 'get rid' of their kids. Some people are simply afraid they aren't 'smart enough' to home educate. I know I'm not smart! However, I do enjoy relearning with the girls!! Some days are hard on both of us, but I wouldn't change it for the World! I thank Jesus Christ for the freedoms we have in this country to feed Life into them.

PAT S 03/12/2011 10:19:05

I must have been thinking about this when I went to sleep last night, but I woke up this morning with this idea:

I will tell my granddaughter that when someone asks her if she is being homeschooled, she is to say, "No, I am being educated". :)) Because that sure wasn't happening in school! She is in 8th grade and cannot multiply 5 digits by 3 and get a correct answer. In fact she argued with me as to whether you had to move your answer line over for each new multiplier. Oh I am eager for them to give me any grief........MAWAHA......bring it on, I am oh so ready for them;/

CHRISTINE K 03/12/2011 10:38:06

My experience has been that some of my harshest critics are Christian! I even had a pastor say it doesn't create independence. I nipped that in the bud by letting him know she was at that moment in our home studying alone. (My daughter is a teen) I nicely told him that out of my 3 children, she being the only homeschooled one, is the most outgoing, independent, faithful and loving. He then realized his judgmental mistake. Many other Christians make comments to me. Older folks in my church don't understand how she will get into college. The list of problems we face is long, but I agree with others here...respond with kindness, realize we are different on purpose and be joyful about it.

DENISE S 03/12/2011 14:55:03

I am perplexed as to why we think we have to answer the public's questions regarding the socialization of our children, especially when one feels obligated to give examples of how we meet that supposed criteria of good parenting. I simply reply that my children have aptly demonstrated how to interact with people of all ages and, that, quite frankly, after observing how children treat each other on the playground and in schools, I do not want my kids to act like that. They ALWAYS immediately get the picture and I never hear another word about socialization. :)

ADINA H 03/12/2011 15:10:03

We have faced varied labels over the 11 years we have homeschooled.

My standard response is that Homeschooling is not a choice for the faint of heart & that it works very well for my family.

I have defended our choices, argued our choices, and ignored negative feedback over the years.

Everyone's postings are correct- people are afraid of what is different. It calls their commitment to family into question, puts faith based decisions at the forefront- which always shakes things up...the list could go on.

Socialization has ALWAYS been the launch pad used against my family- by our families and the general public. My favorite response has become "children are not at school to socialize, they attend school to learn- our family learns in a different location; they can socialize with their friends after class". This usually stops any tirade we are experiencing from troublemakers- and helps to shift people's opinion of what homeschooling is actually like; or if they are genuinely interested, opens the door to ask real questions on the process.

Ironically, most of their fears are 'Goliath's' a homeschooling parent has already faced ( or is actively battling).

If I think about it objectively, all the reasons I have been given as to why I shouldn't homechool my children are exactly the reasons I do..

I am grateful to have had such an impact on my children-I want them to value family above all else; invest into their communities; be independant thinkers; and never be afraid to be different from others, limiting themselves to the box society has created. Education is really the by-product of homeschooling...it is character and life skills that adds true value to our lives.

EDWIDGE S 03/12/2011 20:34:28

"Deficiency believed about home schooling: 'What about socialization?' The question is too simple. What kind of socialization is preferable? As a wise person once told me, 'Proper socialization comes from modeling adults, not other children.' " ("Dumbing Us Down" by Gatto)

I think that, when responding to such questions, I'd glean confidence from the knowledge that--in being homeschooled--my children would join/be a part of a diverse and impressive fellowship that includes such prominent homeschooled individuals as Presidents George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Abraham Lincoln, T. Roosevelt (and more); statesmen like Benjamin Franklin, Pierre du Pont, Henry Clay, Alexander Hamilton, Patrick Henry, Daniel Webster (and more); military leaders like John Paul Jones, Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee (and more); U.S. Supreme Court judges; brilliant scientists; artists (Monet, da Vinci ...); religious leaders; inventors; composers-- I really could go on forever.

The public school system in this country is failing children, and little by little, that fact is being exposed. The incidence of suicide among children in elementary school through high school is increasing at an alarming rate. This "socialization" everyone is so concerned about is apparently doing a lot of harm, while the quality of education many, many children in this country are receiving is becoming less and less competitive (when ranked globally). If a person wants to judge or criticize me for choosing not to sacrifice my children to that reality, I suppose he/she should go ahead and have at it ... he/she will just have to excuse me.

EDWIDGE S 03/12/2011 20:46:54

Oh, to the "wise person once told me" quote above, I personally would add "believing, conscious, wise, well-mannered, virtuous/honorable and responsible" before "adults," for not ALL adults are fit to be modeled. lol

Also, I made a mistake: The excerpt is from the book "Home Schooling: The Right Choice" by Klicka.

TARA F 03/12/2011 21:28:45

Homeschooling does cause us to stand apart. A sort of, 'In the world but not of it'.

There are so many wonderful ways we are able to participate in social settings apart from public school. This week again, the activities director at our Community Elderly Care Home called on our son to come and volunteer with the folks there. They love him. Because he is not in public school, he is able to go and participate like that mid day. That is wonderful socialization. He is so comfortable around wee little ones all the way up to those in their 90's. All of our children are!

This is just one aspect of home school socialization that we appreciate as a family.

We home schooler's just have to embrace the opportunities available to us in our communities, and our children and others can benefit socially. Yet in a wholesome positive way.

CARA D 03/13/2011 15:15:01

I am so thankful. I have never received a negative comment or look. I have been able to encourage many other family's to look into it. It has influenced a few family's to do the switch! The school that they would go to encourages and supports it too. they are allowed to play in the offered sports. My son was a starter for Football the whole season! I will pray for you guys that said it has not been that smooth for you!

RAYNA S 03/18/2011 08:40:20

I appreciate the comments about not being judgemental of parents who send their children to public school. I'm preparing to homeschool next year and part of the reason I havn't until now is the attitude of parents and children that do homeschool, that they are better than those in schools. I think the unfair labels can go both ways. I want to homeschool because it's a better fit for my family and I feel called to do it, not because I'm holier or better than someone else.

MELINDA Y 03/21/2011 09:55:23

I write an article every month about our homeschool group, for our neighborhood paper that has a circulation of 5,000. It has gone a long way in dispelling the myths and misconceptions that mainstream families have about us. I also write a bi-annual article in our local city magazine and send in monthly photos of our students civic service activities. These go in the local school section of the paper. This has helped provide us with a lot of coorporation with local businesses and has resulted in coop classes for our students as well.

TREMAINE F 03/12/2012 04:04:01

One day I went to the library and there was a family there. A mother and her I think six children. They all dressed modestly and really shined and I knew they were Christian before I even asked the mom. I think that is a great thing no matter how much the world doesn't like it. I get a lot of negativity to and even from other Christians whom don't homeschool but I will keep on teaching my son as I feel God has called me to.

KATHY S 03/12/2012 06:42:46

Isn\'t it somewhere in the Bible that when we are of Jesus, we are to be set apart from the world?

So, as Christians, Homeschool is also \"set apart\" from the crazy, secular, worldly, Public and private schools that exist.

I wish that when I was a child, my Mom would have homeschooled me.

Instead, I was in a Catholic School for 8 years, then Public school I \"extremely disliked\" (God doesn\'t like us to use the word \"hate\" right?) both.

The only difference to me was, the uniform, and the size of the schools.

Either way, our world has gotten much worse since then. I\'m 46 yrs old.

Now my Mom, who is 74 yrs old, went to Catholic schools her whole life. She will tell you that back in the 1950\'s you had a few bad children in school, but nothing like we have today.

I guess the Nuns would physically abuse the kids if they got out of line. We had some of that at the Catholic school I attended too. They weren\'t all Nuns though, there were actually teachers too.

We left the Catholic church after my son got abused for 5 months at the Catholic school we tried. We attend a Non Denominational Christian church, that teaches from the Bible. We like it there. My Mom\'s still Catholic, but she also has recieved the gift of salvationn, and that\'s all that matters.

And to apply that further to todays topic; we know our children are safer, and most likley being taught about Jesus more than in public or private school.

Most likely, your homeschool child has been given the gift of salvation.

So, no matter what anyone says, we should probably just respond kindly to people who are critical.

Because, our children are not only safer, they will be entering the Kingdom of Heaven one day ! And ultimatley I think that\'s the goal.

Have a great and Blessed day everyone !!

LYNN B 03/12/2012 06:45:21

I only feel admiration from the people around me. We are in a church that has a large number of homeschoolers. The harder part is the fact that I am partially homeschooling my oldest (7th grade) but my youngest is in public school.

I do identify with the adopted mothers (we addopted our children from Ukraine almost three years ago). People do not understand what it taked working with addopted children. Home schooling my daughter has been great because it has given us time to bond. I hope next year to be able to do a 50/50 home school / public school with my children so that I can get them both caught up to their grade before high school and have the bonding time with both.

TABITHA J 03/12/2012 07:36:03

Several kids in my church are being homeschooled and several parents are planning on homeschooling their kids when it is time to homeschool them. Due to the bad influences in the public schools, possible special needs (my husband have both ADHD and learning disabilities and I have autism), along with religious reasons (we are Apostolic Pentecostal), both my husband and I have decided to homeschool our babies when they are old enough for school.

Gary & Doreen W 03/12/2012 07:42:40

Im thankful for the homeschoolers that have gone before me that have been able to help remove a lot of the negative labels from homeschooling. There is a more positive attitude now-a-days about homeschooling and so much more available for curriculum. Museums and zoos and other places now offer special programs for homeschoolers.

KIM B 03/12/2012 09:12:46

Shirley K is absolutely right on the money. Couldn\'t have said it any better.

GWENDOLYN F 03/12/2012 16:03:30

I love these devotionals. Thank you. I have gotten some very harsh comments about homeschooling. People act like I am insulting them. I thank God for keeping me calm and not arguing back. Thankfully I am able to work and homeschool. I work in the medical field so I work 3 days and have 4 off. Even though my mom is scared for me in this decision she respects it and helps watch the kids when I work. Thank God for my mother in law too. With the help of family I believe more parents will be able to homeschool without dropping an income.

GENUS V 03/12/2012 16:57:46

WoW! and WoW! again. I had a teacher who I thought was a good friend tell me I was not qualified because teaching means inclusion and that the \"system\" is trying to make sure everyone is the same? Now if her reasoning is not a reason to homeschool (an unqualified teacher) then what is? EVERYONE IS NOT THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE. Our family has not had too many issues with family (that we know of), but we haven\'t really told too many folks what we are doing and really don\'t care what they think.

My daughter 14 wanted to try traditional high school, so I inquired at a local catholic high school and the Nun was borderline nasty when I mentioned she was homeschooled, saying how high their requirements were and that we homeschool people need to keep better records yada yada. I hung up after thanking her for solidifying the fact that she won\'t go to that school.

KATHY S 03/12/2012 21:20:22

I just saw a clip of Bill Maher on Hannity, Bill Maher\'s comments on \"homeschooling\" about one of the Presidential canidates children, were absolutley deplorable.

It\'s really hard not to have anger towards a person like that.

CHERYL PAYNE 03/14/2013 03:24:07

Ah, the socialization question. I wonder why so many homeschooling families go on the defensive. When I have been asked this question I go on the offensive. I tell people how wonderful it is that we as a homeschooling family actually get to socialize in the real world. And how well-prepared my children will be since they interact with adults and people of all ages. I then say to them I don't know how your children can become socialized once they leave the public institution. The only time that a person spends 8 plus hours with same age peers where they are locked in all day is in the school system. In real life, like having a job, being in a family, possibly going to College they are exposed to people of all ages. Perhaps that's why they have such a hard time transitioning and cannot communicate with anyone outside their age group. I then say how strange it would be to graduate and want to work at XYZ company but they can't because they only hire 30 year olds and so the graduate is sent to another company who hires 21 year olds. They do see how bizarre that would be and get what I mean as it relates to the school system's age-segregation. They don't usually have a come back except to say " I never thought about it like that". Go on the offensive!

Tiffany Mora 03/12/2014 15:18:53

I used to be one of those parents who didn't understand homeschool. I was actually working on my BS so I could become an elementary teacher. I was so frustrated trying to learn this new curriculum and was being led by the Spirit to realize who better than me to teach my son than me? I want to teach so why not give him the best teacher for him. The first person to oppose this was my husband. He told me that we went to public schools and turned out just fine. I politely reminded him that we're not sending him when we went....times have changed and not for the better. I never saw myself as a stay home mom, but God did so here I am, happier than I could've ever imagined. I never saw myself homeschooling either but that is the road we've chosen and God will be there every step. I have learned the hard way through past experiences that God's way, though not always the must popular, is truly the best way! Stay strong sisters! We serve an awesome God and He will hold us up when the world tries to knock us down!